Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize