I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
