A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
