Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just gift wrapped bread.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize