Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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