yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
