he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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