I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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