If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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