Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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