so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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