Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
