she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
