this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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