I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
