She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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