I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
