I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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