just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
