My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
