u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
