I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
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