you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize