Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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