I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
