I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
40s are totally the cure
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
