Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
