I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
