Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
