yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
This is the high leading the old right now
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
