i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
