U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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