When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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