I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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