i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
My life is pants optional.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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