why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
