it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
