love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
