I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
