You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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