my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
