Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
