We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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