remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
