be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
