I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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