that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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