In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
