Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
