This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
