you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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