If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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