Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
