Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
