just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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