I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
