i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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