thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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