He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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