just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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