Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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