someone threw a dead crab at me
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
this is an emotional support booty call
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
