He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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