He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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