Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
