There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
